Something Blue

Perhaps its the sudden shock and dreadful news that has occurred which triggered me to have some reflections upon my life. A  childhood friend of mine has passed on due to an accident. I was shocked. I haven’t been seeing him for quite awhile so the last time I saw him was probably 5 years ago. Although our friendship was not the closest, but him being in my birthday parties since I was 3 years old definitely tugged my heart strings.

It got me thinking of how fragile life really is. We really don’t know what’s going to happen be it next month, next day and even the next minute. We’re blind and clueless. I mean, who would’ve have known that such an accident would happen to him? It could have happen to anyone, but it happened to him. It got me thinking of my loved ones and how often I failed to realise that what if there is no tomorrow. What if tomorrow never came for me or my loved ones? Touchwood. Would I have done everything I could to let them know I love them and are at peace with them? What about those that I have beef with? I wouldn’t want to go without setting things right. Have I done that now? They said live life to the fullest. I’d add in a little extra on that.

Live life to the fullest with them, your loved ones and also the ones that are not.

I don’t know how much is my capacity to be at peace with those that are not along with my personal battles. Then again, I don’t think I would regret by just taking that extra step to try. Because who knows? Anything can happen.

My heart and condolences goes out to my friend’s family. May God’s loving arms be hugging you throughout this time and the days after that.

~~~

I stayed laying awake on my bed last night while Nora Jones sang into my headphones. What am I to you? She sang. I don’t know, I replied. As of now, I really don’t. The first half an hour of your birthday has passed and I have not wished you yet. Like a movie clip, the image of both of us almost having to bump into each other on the street not too long ago replayed over and over again. I’m surprised at how quick I could recognise you. After all, It has been so long since we’ve had a good look at each other. My first instinct was to run. Run away. Anywhere, any place. I would have climbed up a tree if I had to to avoid facing you. Why? Well, I just don’t know why. I wouldn’t even know where to start if we really have bumped into each other face to face. You know better to run after you’ve played with fire.

I decided to go against my friend’s advise and to text you a simple birthday wish. Soon enough you replied with a short thank you and take care. I won’t say I expected a longer reply because I didn’t. I knew it wouldn’t be anyway. But I was glad I did it. Because after all that has happened and upon receiving the news, I wouldn’t know when will my last birthday wish to you ever be. I don’t know whats going to happen to the both of us in the future, so why don’t I just put down my ego and my shield to savour the moment I have with you no matter how far fetched it is. The next thing I did was I opened up my file of birthday cards and dug yours out. It was still kept safely within its pink envelope with my name drawn with colours on it. It took me awhile to open it because I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do this. No matter, at the end, I did. I read each line slowly and pictured your voice in my head as though you were speaking to me. It was a lovely letter. Several memories resurfaced as the words painted pictures of our happiest moments together in my head. At last, you left a little secret just for me and signed off. It was filled with love, hope and promise, but most of all it was you.

~~~

And so in dreamland I went back to our wooden bench. I dust it off and began setting out the things in which I had prepared for you. A clear glass jar with some hearts and love, a slice of cake with a candle and an envelope with a light blue ribbon tied around it that has my birthday letter to you written within.

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