It’s been emotionally, a heck of a roller coaster ride this few days. And now that that’s all over, it’s very heartening to know that… hey. I got this. Even with all its madness and whys and what ifs and even the doubts, in the end, it doesn’t matter.
It felt like a stab. Yes, it did. Truth be told, at times, it felt like dying was a better option. Not knowing is a better option. Being ignorant. Being a fool, an ignorant foolish fool.
But you know what. The ifs, the whys, the could have, the pain, is what makes reality.
Why it does it hurt? Well, its this emotion called love that encompasses so many aspects.
The lovey dovey sides are kind, compassion, beauty, respect, thoughtful, understanding. But there’s always a yin and yang. It always has jealousy, disgust, hatred that counters back. That’s just the way it is. That’s why it’s so precious and beautiful and amazing but heart wrenching. As much as it is all beautiful, it has the power over us. Over an act, that, in return might not be as beautiful. Just because we’re humans and we face rejection. We are going to face rejection, only some at either a lower or higher degree.
It’s always a norm to believe that a person leaving you would mean the person doesn’t love you. Maybe not at all, maybe not enough.
But lately, I figured what if people leave because they love you too much. Because its just toxic for two people because it’s just ending to hurt both sides. Perhaps the person left because he or she thought you deserved more, more than they could give.
But what about us on this end? The ones that for now it shall be known as ‘ The Being Left Behind’.
It hurts, doesn’t it. People who are there for us comfort us with words such as we deserve more. All of these are blessings because they want to be there for us. But truly, deep inside, it was never about deserving more. Do we even have a say in who deserves who? No, what it always was that we know who we want in our lives. And ironically, naively, but so amazingly… we choose those that want to leave.
So going back to whether they left for love, possibly. Perhaps their leaving will push you to higher places, perhaps it will give you the chance to grow, a chance to experience and forever remember something precious, perhaps they wanted you to have the best, or perhaps they too know, whatever the relationship you had, was hurting you. Even when you refused to believe in it. Because why would you? It’s making you so happy that you disregard the eventual hurt that’s just coming your way like a moving train.
We have the memories. That’s all that we have. Sometimes we wish we didn’t have them, sometimes it’s nice to just sit and look back through it like a book, chapter by chapter.
And as much as we’d like to stop time, or go back in time to relive those memories, in reality, we can’t. We can never and we will never. That is the simple, blunt truth. We don’t get that chance.
So cry. Cry when you’re sad about it, cry when you’re happy, cry when… madness takes over. Feel it. I wish I could say some legit advice and it will work like a doctor’s prescriptions but I can’t. Because in all honesty, I’m still stuck.
And I guess feeling all these feelings, might bring back memories that are pleasant yet hurtful, but as least we feel that bit closer at heart to that person.
As cliche as it is, it’s going to be okay.
The situation isn’t okay. But you, whoever might be reading and is going through the same thing, you’re gonna be okay. I’m going to be okay. Because we’ll learn to accept the reality and we will move on. They’re there alright. They will always be there, just slightly away as if they just went on a long holiday. You and me, we’ll always want things that are slightly out of our reach. And that’s okay. It’s because we love them.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. We never know. Things can change, maybe in a week, a month, 5 years down the road. We’ll never know. But as much as people tell us not to hope and dream on to the day we get to meet again with them, I say, continue to dream on. If you love someone so much, even though they hurt you when they left, then yes, you do love this person whole heartedly. And as much of a toxic as the whole thing became, that person is going to change and you’re going to change in due time, and maybe, just maybe it won’t be toxic anymore. Maybe we’ll have a happy ending.
Let’s just say that we’re never happy with the endings that were given to us. After all, we want something that we don’t have. But I’d say, just don’t give up on that person. If you really do hope for that day for when you get to meet that person under better circumstances or in a better situation, by all means, do so. It’s madness and might even seem idiotic and naive to other people, it might even be another double edged sword ready to scar you again, but if you’re willing to put up that fight and insist them to stay in your life in any way possible, don’t give up.
As for me though, I’m sticking with it was because we both loved too much to stay.