Cookie Jar

I quite like how Chuck Bass ended it with Blair Waldorf before he handed her to be with Louis. And it is no surprise that I cried at that scene.

Anyways, its been a quite a happy day today. I really loved my morning. It was quite a lovely surprise actually, and I loved the easy, carefree way everything was. It was one of the distant memories that seem to resurface up. Certainly something that would be kept in my glass jar.

I like keeping things in glass jars in my heart because I don’t like to lose things, although it always seems to be a different case considering the amount of things I lose and forget frequently. Having the assurance that I can look back at it and find it exactly the same way is what drives me to keep on filling up jars despite the fact that sometimes things are meant to be let go. I suppose this is why I have such a hard time of letting go of things that really matter to me.

Honestly, it’s taking up all my willpower to even remove the jar and break it.

I don’t know if I ever will have that strength. I wish I was that strong, but in this case, I’m not. Sometimes it hurts to see the jar with all its clear transparency, other times it poses to be something of happiness. I wonder to myself, if it hurts you, why continue to let it? I haven’t really got to solving this wonder of mine, but perhaps it’s because the happiness outweighs the hurt. Perhaps I am willing to take that happiness in any way I can, even when it hurts. Or perhaps I just don’t want to let go of it just yet.

I don’t know. It seems like self- torturing, having to keep something close when it hurts you.

Sometimes I just feel plain stupid, like, why can’t I just let go. But the fact is, I don’t want to.

‘Want’ is probably my biggest enemy right now because I want my my wants to be satisfied. However, realistically speaking, I can’t always have what I want. But I still want what I want. I feel like a child being deprived of cookies from the cookie jar right now.

On to a more positive note, it has been easier to not dwell on it so much which is a huge improvement for myself. A big yay for me then.

Perhaps one day, it won’t hurt even if I don’t break it.

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