Not too long ago, a friend of mine asked me a question that just bugged me the whole day. I decided to write it out because, well I’m better at organizing my thoughts when i write it down.
So here goes…
Remember the scene from the movie Divergent where Tris has to shoot someone innocent in order for her to pass the test so that nobody would rat her out being a Divergent? My dear friend asked me this, if you were ever in that same situation, would you shoot me in the forehead right between my eyes? In deep thought, it took me a while to reply. I replied stating that since it is only a test, and it wouldn’t actually harm anyone, the answer would be yes I’d shoot. However, that wasn’t the case. We changed it to being real, which meant shooting would kill my friend.
At this point, I don’t know what to think. I tried putting myself in that situation and imagine myself holding a gun. A single pull of the trigger would lead to a road of no return. It would either be the death of myself, or the end to my friend’s life. Weighing between my love for others and the protection of one self, it didn’t help when my friend told me that he’d tell me it’s okay to shoot him if the situation ever occurred. He said he’d take the gun and pull the trigger on himself so that I’d know what to do. Of course, I argued with the fact that his hands are tied, hence not capable of reaching for the gun. (HAH)
My head hurt. I knew I couldn’t kill as killing someone would be killing myself. Deep within my conscience, I knew something would snap and never return back to normal. How could I live with myself after knowing I was the one who ended my own friend’s life earlier than it should? However, I too had to consider for myself. I had to keep myself alive and this was the way to do it. My friend would want me to live, wouldn’t he? It boiled down to these two: staying alive and live with the haunting consequences or to not live at all. There had to be a way we could both stay alive, I thought.
In the end, I decided I wouldn’t shoot. I figured we would both be brought in as prisoners and both of us could figure something out together to escape. It would be just like the movies where the two main characters always live till the very end.
Throwing back the question to my friend, he answered he’d shoot because staying alive was important and if I cared for him, I’d want him to shoot.
Yes, I’d want him to shoot because I do care. If that was what that could keep him alive, by all means pull the trigger. I thought to myself, if I did want my friend to shoot when I was the helpless one, why couldn’t I do it when I was holding the gun, when i was the decision maker?
I guess in a way my friend is right about me on one thing, I can never truly decide. I’d always manage to change the situation to my own liking without answering a simple yes or no question. A trait of mine that’s stuck with me since young till now.
In all seriousness, I hope and pray that I would never have to make a decision such as this. My head still hurts trying to make a definite stand on this but I know it’s time to put it down. Instead it’s time to head for my next class happening in the next two minutes.